'I harboured a lot of anger and frustration' - Chris Cairns on his match-fixing trials

One of the finest all-rounders in New Zealand cricket history, Chris Cairns amassed over 8000 runs and took more than 400 wickets across Tests and ODIs. He featured last in 2006 for the Kiwi team in a T20I match against West Indies.

In the latest interaction with media company NZME, Cairns opened up on his court battles, health, and future for the first time. Currently, he is constricted to a wheelchair due to his heart complications, a stroke, and bowel cancer.

In 2010, the former chairman of the Indian Premier League (IPL), Lalit Modi, claimed that Cairns was involved in match-fixing during his stint with Chandigarh Lions in the Indian Cricket League (ICL).

In two years, he successfully sued Modi as he won a libel case. However, in 2014, the Metropolitan Police registered perjury charges stemming from the libel trial.

In 2015, he was cleared by a British court of perjury charges, as there was insufficient evidence against him. However, the period from 2012 to 2015 was undoubtedly a horrendous time for the Kiwi legend.

"I harboured a lot of anger and frustration, but I carried that silently. I dug my hole in Australia and got on with life … but I was angry," Cairns said.

"I perhaps wasn't quite so angry 7-8 months ago, but it was still seething in me. Now, after the last seven months, it's so far down my thinking, that it's not a priority. It seems like another time, another place," he added.

The former Kiwi all-rounder reckoned that his current priorities are his wife and five children based in Canberra. "Maybe during that time, it [the match-fixing trials] built up the steel in me that allowed me to survive what I went through – because it was about survival at that time. I was on my own, cast as the villain, that was my role," said former Kiwi cricketer.

Cairns said he holds no grudges against his former teammates, Lou Vincent and Brendon McCullum, who had testified against him in the court proceedings.

"For me, where I sit today, I bear no grudges at all. I simply don't have the bandwidth or capacity to look at that at any other way than that was just a part of my life," he added.